Thursday, June 30, 2011

Allison Lyne presents Critique is Missing!

Sixth Grader, Allison Lyne recently took part in a creative writing camp taught by Storee's creator, Author Barbara Simpson Carducci. Here is Allison's version of the story, Critique is Missing, written as a workshop exercise.

Chapter 1 – Critique is Missing

“Hey Mom, did you see Critique this morning? I can’t find her anywhere!” Storee asked.

Mom was on the couch watching TV. “Why no Sweetie. Is she outside or under the bed?” Mom asked.

Storee shook her head. “Those are the two places I checked as soon as I knew she was gone. Dad did you see Critique?”

Her dad was eating eggs and bacon in the kitchen. “Well, not in my eggs and bacon, so I don’t see her.”

Storee walked over to her mom and said, “may I ask you something?”


Storee sat down next to her mom. “I want to ell you what happened before Critique was gone. She was laying on me while I was writing. I just finished my last sentence of my chapter when Critique was gone.  I called her a million of times, but she didn’t come. I checked outside and under the bed, even her sunny spots, but she wasn’t there. Then I asked you guys. But you said, “no.”

Mom hugged Storee tightly. “Don’t worry. She’ll come back. What most people say, “What goes around comes back around.”

That rose Storee’s hopes up a little. “But what if she never comes back? I’ll miss her so much!” That’s when Storee started to cry.  While she was crying, a story formed in her head.  Cats go missing all around the world and a group of kids team up to save them. That’ll make for a good story, Storee thought as she ran up the stairs.

Chapter 2 – Encounter with Mrs. Grumpus

It had been a day since Critique was gone. Storee has been beginning to feel worser as the hours passed.

“Honey, Storee was right, Critique was missing yesterday. We should start to put out posters around town,” Mom said.

Dad was finishing the last poster when Storee walked in. “C’mon Honey, we are going to put posters up,” Dad announced.  Storee glanced at the poster. It said:

Critique Gone Missing!
Report to 47 Elk Street. OR call 111-379-2015.
Reward is $25.06

Storee nodded, OK. “I’m ready when you are.”

Storee and her parents walked around town putting up posters on almost every visible tree. But when they got to a white house with a red door, and elderly lady stopped them.

“You can’t put one of those mangy posters on my property. I forbid it!”

The Wryters stopped instantly. Storee peered at the lady. “Who are you?”

“I’m Mrs. Grumpus, duh!” She had white curly hair and looked like her age was in the sixties. She had leathery skin and glasses that slid all the way to the tip of her nose. “Now get away from me, you cat lovers! Or I’ll beat you with my cane!”

The Wryters walked away quietly.  “That’s some lady, let me tell you,” Dad said as they walked back home. “She may look old and helpless, but she has rough guts, and she looks like she isn’t afraid to use them.”

Storee was thinking of that too, but a story popped in.  An elderly lady who had stolen Critique, thought Storee. That can happen, Storee thought as she walked in through the door.

Chapter 3 – Black Belt Jake

Storee was walking home from school when she decided to go to Mrs. Grumpus’s house. When she rounded the corner she heard a, Yah! And COCOW!” in the back yard.  Storee quietly went to check to see the person with the funny talking. There in the backyard stood a boy in a karate uniform! He had brown hair and a black belt around his waist. He was practicing his stance and looked like an elephant. Storee giggled. But the boy heard. He busted the gate down with his right foot and stalked over to Storee. “Who are you that insulted my elephant stance?”

“I’m Storee Wryter and I insulted your elephant stance. Who are you that heard me giggle?”

“I’m Jake Grumpus, grandson of Mrs. Grumpus and I heard you giggle. I suggest you get out of …” The door to the backyard opened and Mrs. Grumpus stood on the patio.

“Jake, who in heavens are you talking to?” You should be practicing karate.” Then she saw Storee. “So you’re back, cat lover. I told you not to and you disobeyed me, huh? Jake! Get me my cane!”

Storee started to run but that lady was fast. Soon she was a foot behind her.  As soon as Storee got home she got ten cane beats. “I’m going upstairs,” Storee called. As she got to her bedroom a story popped up again.

Karate boy and his grandmother held Critique in a cage. Then they decided to beat her with sticks. How horrible, but it would be a good story, Storee thought as she grabbed her notebook and pencil.

Chapter 4 – Trapper and Black and White Fur

Critique wasn't found and it had been a week now. Storee though she must be starving! Then her dad burst in.  “Storee your mom and I might have found a clue about Critique!” This made Storee very happy.

“Show me!” Storee followed her dad all the way to Mrs. Grumpus’s house. Her mom was there with a man. They sounded like they were arguing!  Her dad picked up the pace with Storee right on his heels.

“Sweetie, you must let me do my job and catch the cat!” Mrs. Wryter ain’t gonna put up a fight. “We can manage ourselves, you know. Who are you anyway?”

The man held out his badge. “I’m Trapper and I;m part of animal control Catching lost pets is my priority. Those fliers tell me you have a lost cat.”

But before Mrs. Wryter can say anything, Mrs. Grumpus and Jake came out.  “What are you cat lovers doing out here?”

Trapper held out his badge. “Animal Control, ma’am. I hear you have black and white fur on your bed.”

While everyone was complaining, Storee ran into Jake. Jake knelt on the ground and said, “ Help me get out of this, Storee. I’ll do anything for you. ANYTHING!”

Storee saw the plea in his eyes. “Help me find my cat and you’re in.”

Jake nodded and they shook hands on it. Mrs. Grumpus looked bewildered.

“That’s not cat fur! It’s my old fur coat when I went to prom. I’m throwing it out.”

Storee wasn't  buying any of this when Trapper sniffed it. “It doesn’t have cat smell on it. She’s not guilty.” 

So Critique is not here, Storee thought, strange.  Then a new story came in! Trapper and Mrs. Grumpus working together. What a story that will make!

Chapter 5 - Critique is found!

It has been 2 weeks and Critique isn't back yet. 'I give up. Critique is dead.' Storee thought. She and Jake looked all over town. They asked all the neighbors and examined all the houses. No Critique. Then there was a knock at the door. Storee got up and slugged to the door.
Guess who was there? Jake Grumpus.

"What do you want Karate boy?" That was her new nickname for him. Jake gave her sparkling eyes. "I think I found your cat."
Now THAT woke Storee up. "Come on in and explain to me and my parents." Storee rushed into the kitchen.

"Mom! Dad! Karate boy might have found Critique! Meet us in the family room,Okay Karate boy?" Soon everyone was in the family room. Storee was bouncing in her seat.

"Now Jake, please tell us how you found our cat." Her dad asked calmly. Jake took a deep breath and started.

 "Well, when Storee and I finished checking the neighborhood, I decided to go back to Mrs.Grumpus when I started to hear a "MEOW!"  I froze and thought for a moment if this was a trick. Then I heard it again and again until I decided to go check it out. The meowing led me to a cave at the very back of the animal control center. Lucky for me, I had a flashlight.
At the very end of the cave was a female cat with black and white fur. This part might be weird, but I asked it something. "Are you Critique?" It responded by nodding yes and held up small chains hooked to it's feet." Jake must of been out of breath because he was panting for water.

"So it was animal control who took her!" Storee announced.

"Yes and we should get Critique back." Mrs. Wryter declared. Storee felt SSSOOO happy that she kissed Jake and said "You’re my hero. Now, why don't you go back to Mrs. Grumpus and tell her we found her."

Before Jake could say anything, Storee and her family were out the door.A few hours later, the Wryter family was at animal control.

"Why did you need Critique anyway?" Storee asked. Trapper admitted that the animal control needed animals so they can analyze their behavior so if they try to escape, the guys and girls can be prepared. "I would of made it too, if it weren't for you meddling girl and your parents!" Then Trapper shut the door shut.

"Well it doesn't matter right now. I have critique back!" Storee exclaimed. Then a story floated into her mind. 'A girl and her neighbor's grandson finding her cat,' Storee thought. That calls for a true novel!

 **** Young writers ( those in grades K-8) are invited to send a Storee Wryter Adventure or a completely original story of any genre  to  select submissions will be published on Storee's blog.

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